Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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