Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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