Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
