I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
