On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You pole danced in your parka.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
