Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
