he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
