She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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