So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
