Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
