I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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