my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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