I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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