i can't believe i had my finger in that
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
