Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
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