If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
