she woke up with a sticky ear
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
