Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Randomize
