Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
