so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
