apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
