Don't make out with my wife yet
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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