If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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