Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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