Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
