ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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