Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
