I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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