I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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