just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
