Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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