Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
