He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
