just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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