Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
