did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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