My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
