I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
