guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
