dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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