you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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