i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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