I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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