you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
