Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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