we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
