who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
