I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
