So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Be still, my beating vagina.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
