Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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